A home called hell.....

SO on top of my huband being absolutely positive that his dead mother who killed herself is haunting us and has cursed our house.....we cant seem to keep up on repairs on our house that is slowly falling apart piece by piece. Not only is it just old and apparently fragile....it isnt the type of sturdily built home made for someone with ptsd. Everything was put together very cheap and almost half assed when it was built back when I was 10 years old.....it was for sale by owner and we were desperate with our son close to being born. A tiny two bedroom apartment wouldnt cut it for long. Do we bought this house. Small 1000 sq. ft home with three bedrooms, a decent sized yard and it was in a quiet culdesac next to a park. What could get better than that right. This is what happens when you look at right now in the moment instead of down the road into the future. Who would have guessed the economy would go flat like an old lady's butt. It is hard enough to get someone with severe ptsd and severe injuries to put their clothes away and clean up after themselves and them still have enough patience, energy and motivation to work on their house....especially when a portion of the repairs are as a direct result of anger, ptsd, rage, unfortunate wheelchair damage and mishaps that may have been preventable. So once things begin to go bad, the repairs begin to stack up and before you know it nothing works, everything is broke and that causes more chaos on top of the aready unstable environment in which I limbo. SO here is a list of current projects that are either half started, half finished or just lingering for lack of motivation:

Dishwasher.....broke....leaked....we removed it....now no dishawasher
Replaced Fridge
Replaced Range
Replacing broken and leaking kitchen faucet as we speak
Finally after 3 years hooked up the water that makes ice in our fridge
Multiple holes in walls, doors, closets,
Burned out TV bulb....no tv in our livingroom now....those things are over $100 bucks...sheesh
Our garage door is broken....wont open.....at all
Our electrical is fried....some outlets work....some dont....some flip breakers....some blow bulbs
Our hardwood floor is coming apart
The carpet in the kid's bedrooms is so stained and gross
Our yard floods
Finally got grass
Our bathtub faucet.....drips constantly.....super annoying
The fan and lights in the bathroom have a short and turn off whenever they want
Missing closet doors
The inside is half painted and half not
Our back garage door no longer locks without a makeshfit latch that my husband installed
Our front door is broken and barely stays shut when not locked
The trim is coming away from the doors and walls
There is no trim on a bunch of our doors
Replaced the range hood
Relaced toilet
Widened bedroom and our bathroom doors for wheelchair access.....crappy job well done.....lol

I am probably missing some things but of course I think this is a pretty good idea of the kinds of things we are working on. Its a slow process though because my husband isnt in the kind of shape as a contractor is....he is still having surgeries from his injuries back in 2004. SO I really would like a little bit of understanding from people when I say I am or have been too busy to be a human being. I feel more like a robot on auto pilot or a zombie or something. Anyway as of now my husband is under the sink, leg off, trying to fix a leak that has occured from the installation of the hose that goes to the fridge to make tha water work to make ice.....he was going to install the new faucet.....but he got stuck fixing the leak first before he even got to the faucet.....its so tragic and annoying at the same time. Hopefully I will buy that huge winning lottery ticket some day when I can afford to take a gamble on that possibility....so if I say I am busy.....then that means I am. Nobody has a clue about my life and what I deal with everyday. I cannot even speak the proper words to describe my feelings and the ins and outs of my life.....I cant explain it now and I probably will never be able to. Thats just the way it is.....and when someone asks how I am doing and they get a blank stare.....should I feel guilty about giving that look or should I feel like a bitch when someone inquires of my well being and I just give them a twisted smile that makes me look half depressed and psychotic. Whatever.....thats all I got at times....its hard to pull a fake smile outta my ass.....I thought I would be an expert at faking how I am feeling but I just got so tired of putting on an act that now I just dont care. Argggg.....venting over.....sometimes I love blogging and sometimes I feel like its a waste of time but who else am I gonna talk to.....hahahahahahaha.....exactly.